Can you imagine a world where Two Salty Dogs Pet Outfitters WASN’T the Best Pet Store in Maine? We gathered together several dozen Harvard-educated scholars and nationally acclaimed futurists to envision a world where Two Salty Dogs wasn’t the best. Then we locked them in a room for 3 days whilst playing The Steve Miller Band’s Greatest Hits on a constant loop.

The first thing we noticed when we opened the door was that the smell was abominable. We really should have provided toilets of some kind. The second thing we noticed was that they were all incredibly angry, even hostile towards us. And the third thing we noticed was this rendition unstoppable giant crabs running amok.

The simpler of you might conclude that the scholars were angry at being held captive for 3 days and terrible conditions. The more insightful will realize that the revered scholars and futurists were sending an urgent message of a future world where Two Salty Dogs was not voted “Best Pet Store in Maine” for 2015. That’s right, people. If we aren’t voted the Best in Maine, giant, evil crabs will destroy all that we cherish in this world. And the brightest of you will notice that the rendition depicts a giant red (and therefore cooked) crab running amok. Just imagine for a second how big that pot of boiling water would have to be cook that crab. Hell on Earth.

So do your part to save the only planet we have. Vote for Two Salty Dogs Pet Outfitters as the BEST Pet Store in Maine. And don’t forget to include in your vote that we are in Boothbay Harbor!

And please tell your neighbors and friends! We’ve found the easiest way to do this is to strip off all your clothes and run screaming incoherent gibberish around your neighborhood. Forwarding this URL to your friends is also somewhat effective, but I wouldn’t rely solely on it.

VOTE HERE!

Thanks!