October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

According to a definition on the Psychology Today website, "domestic violence can be physical or psychological ... It may include behaviors meant to scare, physically harm, or control a partner ... an unequal power dynamic in which one partner tries to assert control over the other in a variety of ways. Insults, threats, emotional abuse and sexual coercion all constitute domestic violence."

How do spouses and partners get to the point of trying to gain control over another? Why does one want to be the controlling partner when he or she knows it is not healthy in a relationship or marriage?

Another article I read recently at getpocket.com is about how to maintain a healthy and successful relationship or marriage. One of the key points was respecting the other person. If respect and good communication are equal, relationships tend to be more successful.

The article was summed up by a woman who responded to author Mark Manson's call for lessons on maintaining a healthy relationships and marriages. Here is her passage:

“You can work through anything as long as you are not destroying yourself or each other. That means emotionally, physically, financially or spiritually. Make nothing off limits to discuss. Never shame or mock each other for the things you do that make you happy. Write down why you fell in love and read it every year on your anniversary (or more often). Write love letters to each other often. Make each other first. When kids arrive, it will be easy to fall into a frenzy of making them the only focus of your life … do not forget the love that produced them. You must keep that love alive and strong to feed them love. Spouse comes first. Each of you will continue to grow. Bring the other one with you. Be the one that welcomes that growth. Don’t think that the other one will hold the relationship together. Both of you should assume it’s up to you so that you are both working on it. Be passionate about cleaning house, preparing meals and taking care of your home. This is required of everyone daily, make it fun and happy and do it together. Do not complain about your partner to anyone. Love them for who they are ... Trust each other. Give each other the benefit of the doubt always. Be transparent. Have nothing to hide. Be proud of each other. Have a life outside of each other, but share it through conversation. Pamper and adore each other. Go to counseling now before you need it so that you are both open to working on the relationship together. Disagree with respect to each other’s feelings. Be open to change and accepting of differences. Print this and refer to it daily.”

I thought this was great advice.

If you do have a relationship problem, whether you are being abused or you are the abuser, get help today.