Joe’s Journal

Ms. Pigette returns

Posted:  Wednesday, January 24, 2018 - 9:30am
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On Sunday afternoon, I stopped to chat with Ms. Pigette to get her take on the latest political uproar that has triggered a national government shutdown.

“Go away,” she said pulling her muffler over her face. “I have nothing to say about this mess. It is a disgrace that our lawmakers can’t …”

“OK, OK,” I said as I rolled up the window before driving away from her spot across the street from Joan Rittall’s house on the side of Route 27.

As I got ready to pull out into traffic, I looked at her one last time and saw the small wire snaking into her muffler. She was not paying any attention to me. She was listening to the Patriots game on her iPhone and let out a big cheer as Tom Brady pulled another one out of his hat with a pair of late touchdowns to Danny Amendola.

La Belle Pigette peeked over her muffler and winked. “We did it again. New England is in the Super Bowl.”

Does that mean you are ready to give us a few pearls of wisdom?”

“To use the only pig latin phrase in the English language: Ixnay Buster. Don’t even think about uttering the bad joke about casting pearls before swine. Now, what do you want.”

“Well,” I asked. “Some folks are so honked off at Washington that they no longer even watch the TV news programs.  They just shake their heads and wish a pox on both parties. Lots of Democrats and others say the current occupant of the White House should be impeached. What say you to that?”

She smiled and just shook her head. “I tell them to grow up. Impeachment is not another word for a mulligan. It should not be used as a political weapon to get rid of a guy because you don't like his policies. This guy was elected by the American people. The way to thwart him, if that is what you want to do, is to elect his political opponents in November.

"Now, just for the record, I’ll give you a free tip: You don’t beat somebody with nobody. You need good issues and good candidates and lots of hard work if you want to win elections.”

I thought about that for a minute then asked her what she thought about the women’s marches in Augusta on Saturday where Mainers, along with thousands around the nation protested the president’s actions and policies.

“Yes, I heard some of them talking when they were driving past on their way to protest. I wondered if they were the same folks who refused to vote in the general election because they were still mad after Hillary Clinton whipped Bernie Sanders in the Democratic primaries.

“Stamping your feet and whining doesn’t win elections. You must work to identify your supporters, get them registered and get them to the polls. If you want to have veggies in the fall, you got to get your hands dirty in the spring.”

“Fair enough,” I said. “The talking heads on TV all seem to think the Republicans are in trouble. Some pollsters think the Democrats will sweep the November general elections.”

She just pulled down her muffler, took the earplugs out of her cute little ears and snorted.

“Look. Lots of things can and will happen in the coming months. God forbid, we could be in a shooting war in Korea, Robert Mueller could drop the hammer, the bottom could drop out of the stock market. Today, the polls look bad for the GOP, but polls are not magical crystal balls.”

“Now that you mention Robert Mueller, is he on a political witch hunt?”

“Not on your life,” she said. “Mueller has assembled a team of top pros, the same prosecutors who took down John Gotti, the mafia boss, and the Enron Corp. This probe is as serious as a heart attack. It is no fanciful witch hunt.”

“How will it turn out?”

“No one knows for sure. I only know one thing. I, Ms. Pigette, predict the Patriots, led by Tom Brady, will win the Super Bowl.”

“OK, Ms. Pigette, if you are so clairvoyant, tell me, is the Boothbay Region High School girls basketball team as good as their fans believe?”

“Well, they are number one in their class and happen to be undefeated, but that is a tough question. They are good, really good, maybe, just maybe, they will…”

“They will do what?” I asked.

“If they keep their heads on straight, they might just…”

At that moment, a passing pickup truck drove into a mud puddle splashing both of us with a wave of nasty, muddy, smelly road goo.

“Never mind,” she said.