BIRDWATCHERS ARE TRAITORS

Sun, 02/20/2022 - 4:15pm

A lot of you out there are breaking a very serious rule.

You are supposed to eat your lobster roll, scarf down some ice cream and make your way back to your drab homes in less desirable places BEFORE December 31st. Under NO circumstances should you be up here in the months of January, February or March. It is strictly forbidden!

But no. A lot of you are breaking this unspoken accord by coming up here to see that stupid Stellar Sea Eagle and taxing the Boothbay Region's crumbling infrastructure.

Just the other night, I had to squeeze into a bar stool betwixt people who were wearing so many layers of clothes they looked like blimps tethered to martinis.

Can you imagine the horror as these people from Nostril, Connecticut tried to engage me in conversation about a bird? Me! In January! What's next? A Sober Tuesday in Boothbay Harbor? I shudder for the children.

And another thing- I think there's something seditious about you birdwatchers. Why can't you go look at good, old-fashioned American Bald Eagles? Why all the love for an inferior, ex-communist, runaway RUSSIAN Eagle? Huh? The next thing you know, our children will be learning that funky Russian alphabet they stole from Klingon, instead of the AMERICAN alphabet that has served this planet so well for over 2,000 years.

No. Thank. You.

Read our latest Newsletter that is just chock full of this paranoid garbage here:  https://mailchi.mp/twosaltydogs/the-salty-paws-february-7225836

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