MAINE HATING

Wed, 08/03/2022 - 9:00am

Mainers are a kind, gentle people. We are from ruddy peasant stock and are hard to get riled. I ran into this article by some dessicated Old Bat from New York City. At first I got riled, but the more I read, the more I thought it was hilarious.

How could someone feel the need to be THAT self-aggrandizing? Also, how could a presumably-literate person writing for the New York Post for so many years get Maine so very, very wrong? (Hahaha! New York Post! Literate!)

The answer is: She's a washed up has-been lusting for one more "Me Gusto!" before meeting the big plastic surgeon in the sky.

And I'm OK with that. In fact, I applaud it.

But I also reserve the right to make fun of it.

Did You Know?: She drives a BMW, cares not for Oklahoma, and prefers gilded French furniture for her ass? It's all in this disdainful expose about Maine she probably had her manservant crank out on a 1934 typewriter.

More About Asses: At 91, why is she so hypnotized by gigantic asses she erroneously attributes to Mainers? Most likely they were tourist asses. Like her very own 91yr old wrinkled, sagging, embarrassing, ancient ass wobbling around cluelessly in Vacationland.

And get a load of this eye-crossing sentence: "Longtime friends whose ancestors founded the state of Maine in the 1800s and are in its museums and histories invited me."

#1) I had to read this 3 times before I understood what she was trying to say.

#2) I say we find these "longtime friends" of hers and dump a load of bait on their lawn. Who's with me? I know they're probably not still friends, but these "longtime friends" need to be stridently punished or they'll do similar stupid things like sell our classified Maine whoopie pie recipe to Vermont.

#3) Maine wasn't "founded" like a hair salon or strip club. It was granted statehood. And it's humorous to me that she can't be bothered to look up the exact year in the 1800's. Also, Maine has been "A Thing" since the 1600's. Like her own beloved ass and Manhattan.

Beer Sucks Quote: "Everybody does beer. They probably shower with it..." Well, DUH.

Attention to Detail: "'Downcoast' locally means 'far north.' 'Upcoast' is northeast...." Wrong on both counts, sweetie. How many Harvey Wallbangers did it take to crank that gem out?

The last sentence has her getting back into her BMW and getting "...back to civilization and New York."

Civilization be damned. I'm sure it had something to do with her ass.


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