THE NEWS FROM MARS - JULY 2022

Wed, 07/06/2022 - 12:00pm

Here's an old joke:

Q: Why are puppies so cute?
A: So you don't kill them.

I AM NOT ADVOCATING KILLING OR MISTREATING PUPPIES IN ANY WAY.

Rather, I am overstating both the cuteness and the frustration of owning an insanely cute, hyper, and disobedient puppy dog to semi-comedic ends.

What are some of the more annoying things Marz has done this month to make us question why we decided to get a puppy at all?

1) He frequently escapes the elaborate system of gates and blockades we've set up out back to cavort with random dogs he sees on the street. That's a 10 minute trip to "The Dreaded Bathroom." All our other dogs figured this out in about a week.

2) He will hop up by the gate and whine and bark when there are other dogs on the shop floor and spook them. If he doesn't relent after 3 rebukes, it's The Dreaded Bathroom for 3 minutes.

3) Stealing treats or toys from the shop and not relenting them after 3 attempts or running around victoriously with them - 2 minutes in TDB.

4) Callously stepping on Auggie's injured rear legs and making him yelp after being warned repeatedly to "KNOCK IT OFF!" - Gulag.

His testicles have definitely dropped.

New Nicknames: Marzipain, Marzipaininthebutt, DumDum, Fugdebutt, Fudgiebutt... etc.

His newest "Thing" is to bring a rotten stick wherever he goes. It usually goes from the beach, to my truck, to my truck, the shop, the cabin, the sofa, short forays into the Forbidden Kitchen, spread over the rug like fertilizer, and ends up in our bed where it gets pulverized into bzillions of stinky, possibly infectious, painful splinters that reveal themselves to us in the wee hours of the morning. Yes. I pirated that from last month. Want to do something about it, tough guy?

Yeah. I didn't think so.


Read our latest World-Famous Newsletter that will just make your gums bleed here: https://mailchi.mp/twosaltydogs/the-salty-paws-july-2022-7225920

Subscribe to our World Famous Newsletter chock full of bleeding gums every month: https://us8.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=0e5740287c6b4fe45247c8351&id=315369d469