NOVEMBER BLOG - WHACKJOB INVICTUS

Thu, 11/11/2021 - 6:00am

AKA: Max and Aug's November Dog Blog

Auggie is my Furry Little Buddy. He goes everywhere I go. He stays with me even when I have horrible jobs to do- like shoveling snow or dumping a load of bait on someone's lawn because I don't like them.

I always wait for Auggie's turn at the blog to let loose my fractious snipings at small things and things that have been causing me distressing personal ruminations. Like this one: From-Away Rube to Boothbay Region Ruby.

So grab a cup of cocoa or fortified wine & click on "Whackjob Invictus" by Augustus Megatron Bulldozer Kingsbury (Augustus M.B. Kingsbury).

TWO SALTY DOGS FACT CHECKER: PARTIALLY TRUE
This is getting annoying.

Only the questions in the blog are shown. You’ll need to click on the link to the blog to get the answers, Chum.


Don has taken a lot of flak since he started writing the segment “We Love Hate Mail!” He has been banned from the Pen Bay Pilot newspaper from running ads, had numerous interactions on “Social Media” with people who think he hates tourists, and people have sent emails calling him a hypocritical clod for making his living off tourists and disparaging them at the same time. Of course, Don IS a clod who is too weak to deal with these imbeciles, but he is not a hypocrite.

We get a lot of whackjobs in Two Salty Dogs Pet Outfitters. I especially hate the whackjobs who try to rub my fur with grubby, little hands– sticky with ancient, disease-encrusted ice cream. Unfortunately, there is no statute on the books whereby I could legally prosecute them.

Whackjobs in the shop have accused Don of animal abuse because he doesn’t feed us a raw diet. Other Whackjobs have said Buddy was being abused because of his bad allergic reaction to pine pollen. And then there was the guy who said we should remove all the Kong toys because he didn’t know his dog swallowed one whole and died. RIP Kong Toy Dog. I’m sorry your Biped didn’t make sure you were OK with your new toy.

Then there was the complete lunatic whose “Service Dog” just barked at a sleeping Buddy for 15 minutes. The “Service Dog” then squeezed out two poops and a pee before his owner scuttled her out of the shop without offering to clean up the excrement or buy anything. I’m sure Don regrets letting that Monster and her little “Service Monster” back out into Boothbay Harbor proper. But he isn’t allowed to lawfully detain them and inject them full of drugs unless you vote for Proposition 761 this November.

Let us explore Whackjobdom together then, shall we?


(You must click on the Link to the blog: https://www.twosaltydogs.net/blog/whackjob-invictus-by-auggie/ for the answers to the questions. We’re serious this time).

Question #1: What the hell does INVICTUS mean anyway, egghead?

Question #2: I keep coming in to see Don at the shop. Why isn't he ever here?

Question #3: Who would waste a dumptruck full of valuable bait on Don's lawn just to teach him a lesson?

Question #4: Do you have anything that's good for my dog?

Question #5: (Confusing us with the Salty Dog Salon in Wiscasset) When is the next available dog grooming appointment you have?

Question #6: What is the best thing to buy in the store?

Question #7: Which one of your dogs was the one that died?

Question #8: If I stop my car in the middle of the Boothbay rotary to wave Don in, will he be nice to me and give me a fat discount?

Question #9: What the hell is wrong with that gal Grace within your employ?

Question #10: Is there anything worse than going to the supermarket these days?

Question #11: What should Question #12 be?

Question #12: Why is Don so angry all the time?

Question #13: No. Seriously. Why is Don so angry all the time?

Question #14: Why were Don's on-line ads banned by Pen Bay Pilot Newspaper?

Question #15: No, seriously. Why was Two Salty Dog's advertising banned by The Pen Bay Pilot?

Question #16: What is brown and sounds like a bell?

Question #17: Why aren't your dogs ransacking all these treats? My dog would have ripped through everything here!!!?

Question #18: Why does Don have to be so caustic and sarcastic to people? Why can't he just educate them instead of writing nasty things like We Love Hate Mail?

Question #19: Is it true that Don was almost run over and cursed out by someone with a COEXIST bumper sticker?

Question #20: How did Don react when the delivery driver kicked you, Augustus?

Question #21: What is the most egregious instance of Whackjobs in Boothbay Harbor this summer?


So the next time you Biped Muppets out there want to shed a tear for the innocent, can we agree that that group does NOT include Whackjobs?

I remain,

Augustus M.B. Kingsbury


Link to the full blog: https://www.twosaltydogs.net/blog/whackjob-invictus-by-auggie/

Click Here to Forward This Whole Mess to Someone Whose Buttocks You Admire

CLICK HERE TO SUBSCRIBE TO THE INSANITY