WE LOVE HATE MAIL - OCTOBER 2021

Sun, 10/03/2021 - 5:15am

Sadly Misinformed Woman: "YOU SELL MOOSE ANTLERS FOR DOG TREATS?!?! THAT'S DISGUSTING!!!!"

ME: "With the right wine, they're delicious."

SMW: "You go out and shoot these animals for their horns to give to dogs. That's what's disgusting."

ME: "Technically, I pay the person who shoots them. Full disclosure: I don't make the doghouses either. And I definitely don't bake the treats."

SMW: <Gives me a look like I'm abducting children> "You should be in jail- killing those majestic creatures just for dog toys."

ME: "I know! I keep telling Earl to take some of the meat or the hide or something from the moose after he shoots them instead of leaving it to rot, but he can be a problem when he gets into his 12th Allen's Coffee Brandy, especially when his wife finds out about all the money he spends on having his nose hair professionally trimmed...."

SMW: <Makes a sound like she's drowning on her own phlegm>

ME: "Actually moose shed their antlers naturally every winter. At least in Maine. I don't know what the shedding habits of Massachusetts Moose are."

PEOPLE IN THE SHOP LISTENING TO THIS EXCHANGE: <Nod their heads and laugh>

SMW: Becomes very small and leaves the shop.

We left her overinflated sense of self-righteousness and indignation in the Lost and Found Box in case she ever wants it back.

~ Don (Not a Dog)