Thu, 01/20/2022 - 9:00am

Hi Guys

This is the first heist novel written by a dog- me. Maximus Gary Kingsbury.

I know this story is getting less funny and pretty dark. But what did you expect when dogs and coyotes battle over food?

And if it’s your first time here, make sure to check out the previous volumes of my heist novel before you rattle off a bunch of emails to Don complaining that it’s confusing.

There are a whole bunch of maps and diagrams in Volumes II and III that explain a lot.

Click Here for Volume I

Click Here for Volume II

Click Here for Volume III

Click Here for Volume IV


I hope you enjoy!!! Thanks for reading!

–Maximus Gary Kingsbury





Wharglearg charged from the treeline for the second time. Assigned attack groups bounded for Pack Gingy with wide mouths and renewed vigor.

Max saw the ‘Havoc Group’ – Grimshull and Mardina – run straight through the middle cars to the back of the shed as four Coyotes stormed him. He severely miscalculated Waskin’s intelligence. Dog help Ginger and Zeus. There was only a bungee cord saving them.

The four coyotes snarled and lunged at Maximus Gary maniacally. No order could be made of it.

Out of the corner of his eye, Maximus Gary saw Teddy grab Grelant by the throat and throw him to the ground with a deep “Thump.” He saw Jabode grab Teddy’s head from the other side. Teddy made a guttural sound and snapped viciously at the face of his new attacker.

Teddy gripped Jabode’s throat much as he grabbed Grelant’s and swung him easily to the ground. Teddy ripped at Jabode’s throat briefly before he saw Maximus Gary fighting against the four coyotes. There was no time to finish Jabode off. He had to come to Max’s aid.

Teddy got mad. He got mean. He forgot about Jabode and Grelant and charged Tohono, Waskin, Rincon, and Stiwict with his shoulder down and hit them with every ounce of his 105lbs at a full run. The coyotes tumbled over each other like a flailing, snarling, spiteful snake pit.

Maximus Gary took advantage of the chaos and latched onto the real Waskin’s neck and bit her as hard as he could, tearing into the soft flesh below her shoulder and ripping savagely.

Maximus Gary heard Tohono yell “WASKIN!” and that’s when Maximus Gary understood Tohono wasn’t Waskin.

Maximus Gary released his grip. She shrieked and broke free with eyes blazing and ready jaws. Maximus Gary looked steadily into her eyes before springing directly into the middle of the four writhing coyotes. Maximus Gary knew that pressing the advantage would keep the other three coyotes off balance so Teddy’s powerful jaws could go to work on Waskin’s shoulder in earnest.

Maximus Gary never felt panic before, but he felt the rudiments of it now. It was creeping up his brain stem like an itch. He struggled to reign in his emotions as he stabbed at the Hydra-like coyote snouts looking for a blood-purchase on his neck.

Where was Auggie?

His well-planned defense had turned into a broken play.



Ginger and Zeus heard the second charge through the thin shed walls. They heard the grunts, muffled howls and yips of pain as the sides engaged. Then they heard heavy breathing at the back door.

“Let’s go,” whispered Ginger to Zeus. “Time to teach the coyotes a lesson!”

Zeus nodded and hopped onto the broken bag of lime by the door. He positioned himself so that his kicks would send a stream of powdery lime straight at the door crack. He silently ripped at the bag’s paper anxiously.

“On my signal,” said Ginger softly as she concentrated at the door.

Grimshull and Mardina’s snuffles at the back door went on and on. They hypnotized Ginger with their rhythm. Then the coyotes tugged at the door handle. The bungee cord brought the door back with a “CRACK!!”

Zeus was wide-eyed and paralyzed. He thought big dogs like Maximus Gary would be there to protect him in the shed, or that the coyotes would bypass them.

Ginger heard the back door “CRACK!!” again. Then a sniffing, snuffling coyote snout came through the gap. The sight of the coyote snout in The Garden Shed knocked Ginger out of her hypnosis. She saw Zeus in position; staring dumbly.

Ginger motioned silently and got Zeus to look at her. She put her paw up to her mouth in a “Shhh..” gesture. Then she smiled. He smiled back, relieved.

Grimshull’s snout became a head, pushing its way through the gap. It looked like some macabre coyote birth through two pieces of wood. When Grimshull’s head wriggled fully completely through the doorway, Ginger screamed, “NOW!”

Zeus dug strongly, ripping through the already-shredded bag and sending the caustic powder in strong streams towards the door. Ginger heard Grimshull yowl and curse. She tried to get her head back out, but the bungee cord kept the door snug against her neck. It was a trap. She clamped her eyes shut and pulled back repeatedly. Fresh lime struck her in the face. She panicked and writhed her whole body, but it was no use- her head was trapped in the shed door and lime was caking her entire head.

Zeus laughed maniacally and Ginger directed his shots until the powder in the air made it difficult to breathe.

Once Mardina understood what was going on, he thrust his head through the gap and pulled it open so that Grimshull could finally extract her head. The door slammed shut with another CRACK!

Grimshull ran in blind circles, shaking her entire body, trying to free it of the burning powder. She ran to the corn snow and rubbed her face in it over and over. There was nothing Mardina could do to help her so he immediately took to gnawing at the bungee cord- completely shielded from the lime by the door.

Zeus stopped digging at the lime and was breathing shallowly on top of the shredded bag. He was covered in white lime powder. Everything in the shed was covered in it. It was thick in the air.

This was something Ginger hadn’t counted on.

The Shed seemed like a very small and hostile place now.



Jabode and Grelant regained their senses and charged at Teddy’s rear in unison as he pinned Waskin. When they both bit his hindquarters, Teddy released Waskin and whipped around. Without a sound, he got Grelant by his snout. Jabode was still attached to his hindquarters. To an observer, it must have looked like a bizarre 3-Dog Maypole Dance. Finally, Waskin broke free of Teddy and Teddy broke free of Jabode- but with Jabode’s teeth pulling out a large chunk of hair and skin from Teddy’s hindquarters.

Now freed, Teddy focused his might against Grelant. Grelant, with his back to the ground, kicked his powerful back legs furiously, trying to hit Teddy’s soft underbelly and testicles to no effect. After a couple hits on Teddy’s tender belly, Teddy got Grelant securely by the neck and swung him viciously to and fro as effortlessly as an old stuffed toy. And Teddy discarded him as such. He turned to face Jabode.

Grelant was the first casualty of the night. He bled to death from his neck as he tried to crawl off into the woods. Grelant turned on his back and stared at the cold stars above him as they blinked out one by one.



Buddy made his way down to the birch trees where The Ham lay. He grabbed it in his jaws and started across the snow towards The Garden Shed. When he was by the rhododendron, his cloudy corneas saw Scott coming up the driveway with his “Roadhouse” DVD.

Buddy could see Scott was waving his hands and having an animated conversation with people Buddy couldn’t see. He liked Scott. Then something flung from one of Scott’s hands and it splintered on the driveway with a plasticky sound.

Scott shouted a bunch of swears to his invisible friends, flailed his arms again, and bent down to inspect the shattered DVD case. That’s when Scott saw Buddy and the foil-covered ham in his mouth. Scott stopped in mid-bend.

Scott was used to absurdist situations. So when he saw Buddy with a huge tin foil-covered ham in his mouth steadfastly moving across the snow-encrusted lawn, he paid Buddy no mind. Scott only mentioned it two days later when his hangover wore off- after all the Bipeds spent hours gathering evidence and piecing together the events of that day. Being unable to differentiate all of Don and Liana’s black dogs, Scott said to them in a heavy Boston accent two days later, “One of your dogs had a ham on the lawn the other night.”


Then Scott picked up the Roadhouse DVD from the icy driveway and wiped it off on his pants. He checked the disc for damage. Satisfied the DVD was still serviceable, he began walking with purpose again towards the garage entrance, muttering.

On his way, Scott tripped the motion-triggered floodlights and the entire driveway and garden shed area was shot with a naked white light.

Scott hardly noticed. He marched steadily on, The “Roadhouse” DVD gripped tightly in his white-knuckled, freezing hands.

Buddy marched steadily on behind him, The Ham hanging doggedly from his ancient, weak, arthritic jaws.

He was almost there.



When Maximus Gary disengaged from Waskin’s neck, he saw Auggie fighting the battle he originally imagined- two small coyotes afraid to get close to an entrenched large dog. Auggie held his position perfectly. The two small Coyotes– Oshunt and Plenkt, darted in and snapped at Auggie harmlessly. Auggie then jutted his snout out and snapped back at the two equally as harmlessly.

“Take them out, Auggie! Charge them!” he yelled between viciously fighting off the four largest coyotes. “You need to take those pups out of action and help me!”

To his horror, Auggie saw Maximus Gary take a nasty bite on his shoulder. Then he saw Grelant’s lifeless body and Waskin wandering drunkenly down the driveway. He saw a bare patch on Teddy’s flank where blood was freely running and made Teddy’s fur seem even blacker than it was.

Auggie understood. The battle had changed.

He faced Oshunt and Plenkt squarely and exhaled. “Tempus est ad PUGNAM!” he shouted to them in Latin (“It is time to FIGHT!”).

Both coyotes cocked their heads at Auggie quizzically. Then they comically looked at each other. Auggie pounced at that moment and hit Oshunt squarely with his 80lb bulk. Oshunt yelped and rolled over and over backwards, trying desperately to right himself on solid ground. Plenkt sprinted nimbly across the Defense Perimeter and watched in terrified fascination.

That’s when Scott set off the garage floodlights.

Auggie was temporarily blinded as he faced the lights. He blinked and blinked. He pawed his eyes. He saw absolutely nothing.

Plenkt and Oshunt saw their advantage and charged at the stupefied Auggie. They each took a side as though they were bringing down a fawn. They leaped up onto his haunches and bit deeply.

“In sanguine nunc natantes sumus,” said Auggie to himself in Latin as his rear knees buckled like the hunted fawn.

(We are swimming in blood now).


Read the rest of this chapter here:

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