When people begin to learn about domestic abuse, the first question on their lips is often “Why doesn’t the person just leave?” Framing the problem in this way does two things: First, it places the onus of stopping the abuse squarely on the victim, implicitly refusing to hold abusers accountable. A more reasonable question would be “Why do people abuse their partners?” Instead, the common tendency is to focus criticism on victims’ perceived mistakes or weaknesses.

Second, it makes leaving one’s home sound easy. In fact, it is almost always traumatic and difficult. “Just leave” implies a cinematic moment, in which the victim tosses a few things into a suitcase, throws it into the back seat of the car, and tears off to her mother’s house, a hotel, or a welcoming shelter. In the world of movies and TV, this decision is the first step in a largely unimpeded progression to a safe home and a happy life. In real life, this is almost never the case. Many Mainers who experience domestic abuse have no family within driving distance or no access to transportation. Family members may not have the means, or the willingness, to take them in. And because abusers often cut their partners off from household funds, they are often left penniless. According to a report by the National Alliance to End Homelessness, in 2023, 31 out of every 10,000 Mainers were experiencing homelessness. The threat of being counted in that statistic is a very real and frightening possibility for people who must flee to escape abuse.  

A myriad of other factors can work to keep people trapped with abusers. New Mainers, for example, may worry about a complicated immigration status or face cultural or linguistic barriers. Physical disabilities, chronic illnesses, or substance use disorders also present serious challenges to leaving. Without support or a safe place to go, many survivors remain mired in dangerous situations. 

It is only after leaving that many survivors learn their abuser has run up debt in their name and ruined their credit, deeply complicating any hope of a fresh start. Likely they have had no idea that joint bills or rent have gone unpaid. They may have been evicted from rentals multiple times because of a partner’s violence, creating a permanent stain on their own record even after the abuser is out of the picture. Many victim-survivors have been prevented from working or earning income, making them ineligible to apply for 95% of subsidized housing units. 

It’s no wonder that fleeing from one’s home with no money, sometimes no friends (abusers often isolate their partners and alienate them from significant supports), and few family supports could be a grim prospect. For those with dependent children, the choice to leave can mean wrenching their kids from a home that, even if not happy, is familiar. Shelters and hotels often cannot accommodate pets, forcing many to face the prospect of leaving behind a beloved pet. Abusive people almost always threaten their partners with violence or even death as a consequence of leaving, and they frequently succeed in carrying out those threats. We know that it takes survivors an average of 7 attempts to leave. When they do, the road to safe and affordable housing is one of the biggest hurdles they face. Advocates at New Hope Midcoast serve survivors in all of these and many other complicating circumstances. Because shelters in Maine are consistently full, and average rents have skyrocketed in recent years, housing is hard to find and harder to afford. Thus, our biggest challenge in domestic violence advocacy is helping survivors find a place to live in safety, care for their families, and, in the happiest outcomes, to thrive. 

Despite all of the challenges, New Hope Midcoast has had great success in helping those who have experienced abuse create a safe home for themselves. Clients often relate that assistance from New Hope, whether in the form of emergency shelter, short-term housing, or a longer-term rent subsidy, was the single biggest factor in allowing them to escape abuse. Since 2022, with the help of grant funding, New Hope Midcoast has housed 65 families, including 99 children. In addition, 11 families found safe places to live through the rapid rehousing grant at the Maine Coalition to End Domestic Violence. This start on the road to permanent safety and independence is facilitated by subsidizing or paying survivors’ rent for a time, and then gradually stepping away as the client gains stability and can manage on their own. People who have experienced abuse say they find this enormously empowering, as it enables them to start rebuilding their lives with dignity and on a timeline that works for them. Many clients and their families have gone on to receive vouchers from Maine Housing Authority after the period of direct assistance from New Hope Midcoast came to an end. These things—time and space—are among the most valued resources that New Hope Midcoast can offer to victim-survivors. To do it, we rely on continued support from state and federal agencies, foundations, and private donors. To learn more about our services, visit www.newhopemidcoast.org or follow us on Facebook.

New Hope Midcoast is one of Maine’s regional Domestic Violence Resource Centers and a member of the Maine Coalition to End Domestic Violence. The nonprofit organization supports people impacted by domestic abuse, dating violence and stalking through housing and legal advocacy, education and prevention programs, and a 24/7 helpline. The organization serves Sagadahoc, Lincoln, Knox and Waldo counties. New Hope meets clients where they are, recognizes that the impact of domestic abuse is widespread, and believes that a life free from abuse is a fundamental human right.