Sure. You can get the "Real" thing and get crushed to death in some antiseptic, fluorescent-lit, brutalist-designed, zombie-staffed, modern-day Temple to Consumer Excess on some Friday.

And sure, you can go to a million different efficient, boring "Real" websites only to pay a zillion dollars in shipping and taxes for dog toys made in countries that actually eat dogs. And just try to get quality dog and cat stuff Made in Maine on those sites. You won't even be dealing with a "real" mutant-person like me.

SUFFER, OR JOIN US OTHER MUTANTS FOR EARLY- BIRD ON SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 19th STARTING AT MIDNIGHT.

Find out more regarding our EARLY BIRD sale here: https://www.twosaltydogs.net/early-bird.html

EXCLUSIONS AND CONDITIONS APPLY, SMARTYPANTS.

Not only can you shop our Inter-Webs Site without fear of being crushed by sales-panicked cattle with acrid armpits, but all Early Bird Shoppers are automatically-entered to win one of seven Gift Certificates.

But anyone can enter the drawing.

Behold!
(1) $100 Gift Certificate
(2) $50 Gift Certificates
(4) $25 Gift Certificates

CLICK HERE for a Chance to WIN a FREE Gift Certificate: https://www.twosaltydogs.net/blog/early-bird-2022-gift-certificate-giveaway/

Now go fetch Grandpa some more Moonshine and cut me a switch.