DRUNKEN CELEBRITY GADABOUT
Not enough of you uncultured miscreants out there bought my book last month- ruining my dreams of becoming a drunken celebrity gadabout. Thanks a lot. Now I'm back here on this pathetic e-rag begging you to part with your vast riches just so I can fill my lawnmower with gas.
Actually, any monies accrued from the book will be immediately handed over to remove all the parasites Marz has accumulated.
So, for the love of Dog, buy something in this shrine to capitalism and banish Fudgie's pinworms for at least another week.
YES. I'm going to put this here again this month and BEG you to buy it. I have literally THOUSANDS of these pre-ordered. And to pay for it, I cashed in Fudgie's college fund.
Haha! Just kidding! I forged Liana's signature and cashed in her 401k. BUT PLEASE DON'T TELL HER. Our marriage is already hanging by a thread since "Tarantula Town."
TOP 11 REASONS TO BUY MY BOOK:
- 100% Politics-free.
- It's short - only 202 pages including all the crap the publisher made me put in.
- There's not a lot of multi-syllable words to trip up you glue-sniffers, auto-erotic asphyxiation enthusiasts, people who crushed beer cans on their heads in college, etc.
- Printed in a large font for all you geezers out there.
- You think it would be humorous / tragic to see what would happen to me with fame or wealth.
- I will nondescriptly sign it for an extra $400.
- C'mon. Help an irritating and selfish guy out.
- If I get a favorable settlement from the carburetor cleaner manufacturer I could be VERY generous to those of you who bought multiple copies.
- To keep the money from going to your ungrateful children after you die.
- I lowered the price under $10.
FUN FACT: THE COVER PHOTO IS LITERALLY LOOKING INTO MY WHISKEY GLASS.
THE DAY OF THE DOGS
WAS $15.75 - NOW ONLY $9.75
USE COUPON CODE: PITY
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