Last Saturday afternoon, as I was watching the TV coverage of the British Open golf championship and folding my laundry, my phone rang. I decided to ignore it. I figured talking to an unknown caller was a lot less important than folding clean socks, clean skivvies and marveling at the way the best players in the world attacked an impossible Irish seaside golf course.

A few moments later, about the time Rory McIlroy jarred a snake for an eagle, the phone rang again, and I answered. I was rewarded for my trouble with an earful of NSFW phrases that insulted my parentage. Of course, it was the lovely and lonely Ms. Pigette, calling from her post beside Route 27 on the way to Route One. For some strange reason, someone charged her phone, giving her the ability to unleash her colorful vocabulary into my good left ear.

"The last time I clicked on my phone," she said, "Elon Musk was slashing the government to the bone, ICE was roaming the parks of Los Angeles on horseback trying to find immigrants hiding in the bushes, and Maine’s GOP Sen. Susan Collins was trying to have it both ways by allowing the BBB to reach the floor and voting against it when it counted."

Then Ms. P complained that today’s posts were filled with MAGA influencers (whatever they are) attacking the 47th president. "Old number 47 then called them stupid and sued one of his biggest supporters for $10 billion. It seemed to have something to do with a dead guy named Epstein. I don’t understand what the dickens is going on. Is our politics turned upside down? Again? What gives?" she asked.

Look, My Lady, I answered. Don’t expect me to untie the MAGA Gordian knot, but I’ll try. The current occupant of the Oval Office spent about 15 years palling around with a guy named Jeffrey Epstein. Their lavish parties at Epstein’s Manhattan mansion and Trump’s Mar-A-Lago estate featured NFL cheerleaders and other celebs. The parties were happily chronicled in the NY tabloids. For some reason, the two playboys parted, and Epstein wound up in the slammer, accused of something very unseemly and very sordid with underage girls. He was handed a sweetheart deal by the prosecutor, who resigned over it. Trump later promoted him to his cabinet. Are you still following me? While awaiting trial on the second slimy underage sex charge, Epstein was found dead in his NYC jail cell. He either committed suicide, or maybe, say some, was murdered to keep him from ratting out his prominent sex party pals. Some say the jailhouse video of his cell seems to have been spliced and, well, it is complicated.

Meanwhile, 45/47 denied ever being close to his old pal, and the MAGA myrmidons demanded the release of the FBI Epstein files, saying they were hiding a ton of slime on the secret cabal of deep state actors they believe run the world. Trump’s AG said she would release the Epstein files, but when she did, there was no juicy dirt on the secret state, and the MAGA myrmidons turned on POTUS.

Last week, the Wall Street Journal ran a story alleging Trump wrote a 2003 birthday note to Epstein that featured a sketch of a nude woman and a reference to their shared secrets. Of course, before they ran the story, the WSJ reporters gave DJT a chance to comment, and he denied the story. He then called his old pal/enabler Rupert Murdoch, who controls the WSJ, and FOX, to spike the Epstein story. Murdoch said no, and DJT filed a $10 billion (with a B) libel suit. So, Ms. P., no one knows the next chapter in the Epstein/45/47 story. Some pundits and TV talking heads predict it may cost the president as many as 10% of his base voters and shift control of Congress.

Will the mysterious Epstein files become a famous political turning point and be ranked alongside “The little blue dress” or “Rosemary Woods tape recordings”? Or will it just blow away as fake news, as POTUS claims? We will have to wait and see.

As for me, I agree with Maine author Stephen King, who said: "The Epstein client list is real. So is the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus.”

Ms. P uttered a nasty word, insulting my parentage. Then she said: "OK, Old Dog, I get the story. Last, will you please explain the White House medical report on our president? I thought I heard the White House say he has a condition common to old guys called Chronic (deleted) Insufficiency. What is that all about?" No, Ms. Pigette, you didn’t hear what the doctor said. Yes, he said it was a problem common in older men, but it was Chronic Venous Insufficiency, not the other chronic insufficiency condition that is also common in older men. "Oh, sorry, I guess I heard it wrong," said Ms. P. "Never mind."