See ya later overindulgence – hello waist!
So, it’s the day after Christmas.
I woke up this morning and resolved to stop eating crap for the foreseeable future.
I headed to the kitchen and started dictating this column to the email on my iPhone.
“Time to stop eating crap,” I said to my phone.
Don't you hate that? It's like we're in a constant battle with ourselves trying to decide whether to give in and eat something delicious or forgo it for the sake of vanity. For the past month we've used the holidays as an excuse to overindulge.
“No. More. Excuses,” I said to my phone. “Start focusing on your health and your body image, Suzi.”
As I stood there leaning on the kitchen counter speaking to my phone, Elliot the dog and Ruby-2-Shoes the cat were staring at me, then looking forlornly at their empty food bowls. They both have perfect bodies. They get to eat all they want. Life is not fair. I fed them. I love them.
I used to be able to eat all I wanted and not gain an ounce, then I started getting old and fat. Double whammy. OK, I'm not really fat, but my jeans have all gotten wicked tight, and forget wearing a fitted top, tucked in. Not that I've ever really had a waist. Even when I was skinny I was pretty much straight up and down.
I'm really sorry. You don't care about my lack of a waist. I'm like, totally, ADD.
So anyway, over the past month I've eaten things that aren't normally on my menu: crackers and a LOT of cheese, mashed potatoes with butter AND cream cheese, stuffing, gravy, pumpkin pie (with whipped cream), chocolate cream pie (with whipped cream), Yorkshire pudding (with gravy), macaroni and homemade candies and cookies ...
I made my traditional gingersnaps for Christmas. I made an extra large batch because I like giving them to people around the holidays. I was perplexed because they looked lighter than usual. They didn't taste right either. Good, but not right. They actually tasted more like snickerdoodles than gingersnaps. The next morning I looked at the recipe. I had forgotten the molasses. Speaking of getting old. I made another batch. They were perfect.
A friend gave me a package of gingersnaps from Trader Joe's for Christmas. I'm not a fan of store-bought cookies, but these are good. Almost as good as homemade. They have little chunks of crystallized ginger in them. So now I have three different kinds of gingersnaps. As much as I love mine (when they're made right) the “gingerdoodles” and even Trader Joe's are almost as good.
On Christmas day I stopped by my friends (sort of family) Tom and Sue Witt’s, where we had cheese and crackers and bloody marys, before heading to my brother Peter's for Christmas dinner. (This sounds eerily like a small town column. I apologize.)
I made Yorkshire pudding to go with my sister-in-law Kerry Lyons' prime rib (that was cooked to perfection b.t.w.). After that, and the mac & cheese that my niece Sophia made, and the mashed potatoes, candied yams, the green beans that my nephew, Wendell cooked, and the chocolate cream and pumpkin pies for dessert, I resolved to start eating less, and healthier.
That was last night. This morning, as I dictated this column to my phone, leaning on the kitchen counter, resolving to have Cheerios and blueberries with skim milk for breakfast, I was sampling the three different kinds of gingersnaps. Then I got a bacon and cheese breakfast sandwich from Baker's Way when I got to work. I'll restart the Cheerios/blueberries routine tomorrow. Maybe.
Anyway it's time to stop eating crap.
So good-bye stuffing and gravy. See ya later bagels with cream cheese and Kalamata olives. I'll miss you Yorkshire pudding. So long croissants and biscuits. Cheese and crackers — you will be remembered fondly. Apple, pumpkin and chocolate cream pie and apple crisp with heavy cream — you’ll be sorely missed. Cookies begone!
Hello waist. (Or reasonable facsimile).
Happy New Year.
See ya next year!