There is a time in everyone’s life when they realize their actions matter, when what they do next makes a difference, good or bad. That moment became clear in my life some 45 years ago and helped to shape who I am and how I act as a state leader. It was a cool, late fall night, light towers turning night into day. I was standing on the Lawrence High School football field in full pads, under the lights. Cheerleaders, proud parents, players from both teams standing with their faces looking up at the American flag as the entire stadium went quiet.

I was holding my helmet under my left arm standing with my fellow players and coaches as our band prepared to play the National Anthem. I didn't know it at the time, but my role on the field was leadership. I called the defensive plays: power left, pass play, pass play. I played both on offense and defense, returned kicks and punts. I was fast and smart and also one of the smallest players on the team. Not a typical strapping football player, I understand now, my heart was bigger than my stature.

At that moment, none of that mattered. On my right side was one of the ball boys, maybe 10 or 12 years old. He was holding a football and looked up at me. At that moment I realized what I did next mattered to this young man. As the band began to play the National Anthem, I smiled at him and he smiled back. I moved a step closer to him, and he did the same to me. No words were spoken, I put my arm around him, and he leaned into me while the anthem played. From that night on, at every game until the end of the season, he found me and I found him. After the Anthem was done, I went to work and so did he.

So much of our world and the way we communicate has changed in 45 years and not for the better. More and more, hate has replaced kindness. Moments of pride and respect for our American way of life, our rules, our sense of community have been replaced by leaders who label their fellow Americans with the most horrible of names. Nazis, racists, homophobes, leftists, white supremacists, foul language, there seems no end to the words our political leaders use as weapons to dismiss those they disagree with. Death threats have become the norm; I get them as much as anyone else. Our culture has been bitten by the poison of hate, and it is spreading to even the youngest generation.

Unfortunately, it is by design. Most candidates and elected leaders running for office have learned that the way to get attention is not through sincere acts of leadership, rooted in kindness and understanding, it is through hate-filled rhetoric. At one time, honesty, keeping one’s word, and acting like a statesman was what defined a leader.

My political mentor, former Senator and now deceased friend, Chuck Begley once told me, “As an elected leader, if you enter a room and there is a 15-year-old impressionable kid in the room, act accordingly.”

I am afraid his form of leadership has become a thing of the past, now it is: find and destroy. The real casualties of such leadership are that we lose our sense of community, our decency and the ability to compromise to solve problems with those we disagree with. Compassion and respect are replaced with a scorched earth and take no prisoners policy.

As we prepare for one of the nastiest elections in American history, fueled by record amounts of out-of-state dark money, watch the candidates closely. Some will soil themselves with the poison of hate as they rationalize their despicable behavior as somehow acceptable, that winning is more important than how you conduct yourself at the most important leadership moments.

Look for candidates who are humble, sincere and have a willingness to listen, not just to those who agree with them, but to those who don’t. More importantly, remember that no party platform or nation can be sustained on a platform of hate.

David Trahan is the executive director of the Sportsman’s Alliance of Maine. This commentary was recently published in the Bangor Daily News.