- Private group -
Tue, 03/21/2023 - 1:15pm

Eight people unsubscribed from our February Newsletter The Salty Paws last month because of my crack about Mumford & Sons. I stand behind my crack. Can we all stand by the Crack of Don?

If it seems like you personally have gotten a lot more Newsletters than 100, it's because I send the whole mess out a second time to those who Mailchimp says did not open the first one. That's when I get a lot of unsubscribes with short, nasty notes like, "YOUR STUPID," and "AMINAL HATER!!!" I suspect it's because people are using software that thwarts Malchimp's invasion of privacy and it seems like I'm just spamming them.

I don't count the re-sends or the emails I send out for Mutt Scrub, Early Bird, Men's Night, or the ones when I just feel lonely or need bail. I feel like those are an insult to us both. And most of you don't read those anyway. Or buy anything. Or reply when I'm lonely. And I never got bail from any of you. Especially for the Lascivious Acts Towards a Gastropod charge. Thanks a lot.

I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who's seen every single newsletter. Me and probably the FBI. I'm pretty sure they're monitoring me for un-American activity. Everything is un-American activity these days. Like all the Presque Isle classified documents I have in the glove box of my 1984 Nissan Pulsar. I'm going to blow the lid off that town. And the Pulsar. Just you wait and see.

And how, exactly, do I know the FBI is monitoring The Salty Paws? Every once in a while I'll see someone sign up with an email like notthefbi2292@FBI.gov. Other times I'll black out for days and find an empty poison dart in my neck and dried BBQ sauce all over my laptop keys. I hate BBQ sauce. My stash of Bushimills will be gone and the ice cube trays will be empty. I consider empty ice cube trays an abomination before God.

Want to see the very first Salty Paws? Click Here if you dare. Please don't make fun of it the way I make fun of you. I'm awfully sensitive, you dummies.

Observe the primitiveness in the newsletter. Although you can see the beginnings of greatness shining through the rough. It's all there -- the long, rambling, incoherent intro, The Coal Shack, Sniffin' Around, and last but not least, Max and Aug's Dog Blog (The Harbor Dogs' Stories).

And I LOVE the first blog in The Salty Paws -- "Break Away From Being From Away - by Auggie." (Don't bother clicking on it in the old newsletter, the link is broken). It has absolutely no pictures or links, and it was posted at some random time (Oct 16, 2014). It's quite evident that Auggie's blog character was fully developed at that early time judging by his sarcasm and venom

I wonder where he gets it.

Become an expert on our 100th Salty Paws Newsletter and bore all your friends, acquaintances, and everyone sitting within 25ft of you at the bar worse than putting baseball or golf on the TV by clicking here: https://mailchi.mp/twosaltydogs/the-salty-paws-march-2023-7226056

Sign up for the 101st Salty Paws Newsletter because you are too fat, old, and/or stupid to sign up with the 101st Airborne here: https://us8.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=0e5740287c6b4fe45247c8351&id=315369d469

P.S. I shall NOT part with my Don Cornelius. No matter the price.