Wed, 02/22/2023 - 6:45pm

You can tell whenever I'm running out of ideas, time, and/or spirit. I'll just slap this bumper sticker thing up here and pretend none of you have ever seen it before. In a way, I'm treating you like you're stupid. And of course, I'm being stupid. So we're all stupid together. Isn't inclusiveness fun?

Most of you out there probably can't afford cars with bumpers. Never fear. You can always use these bumper stickers to attach a bumper to your car. Or for prison currency, or random acts of vandalism, or getting high off the glue, or defacing your mortal enemy's Toyota Yaris's windshield, or as wedding presents for two insufferable meat-heads you hate, or to keep your barely-hanging-on fingers attached to your hand after a horrific crocheting accident, or as a one-use lint brush, or for rolling sushi, or as a substitute for kale, or to put in the background of your fringe-political-belief YouTube livecast, or just as one more sticker on an amplifier making the rounds of your Greater French Guyana World Tour, or for closing up gopher holes, or differentiating your armored vehicles from the Russians, or humorously sticking them to your dogs butt and watching them try to take it off, or putting it on the butt of one of your loved-ones gigantic overalls.......

Or whatever your overheated little brain just came up with, Just email me here: with:

A) How many bumper stickers you want B) If you'd also like a free carabiner and C) And whether you think aliens built the pyramids.

Free Shipping. Tips Appreciated.

Become obsessed with our February 2023, Award-Winning, World-Famous, Critically-Acclaimed, Most-Beloved American Newsletter here:

Commit to receive at least one Two Salty Dogs Newsletter:

Click here to see some SERIOUS Maine Rapping: